house in the woods

I could get lost in that room. I could never leave it again and the things that would come from there the colors that would shine from it's darkened windows and torn drapery would light up the world and cast color into the shadows where once only darkness lived. I could stay there and never come out again and lose my self to her and to him and shut the door on the cries of everyone.
Sometimes I walk around a ghost, just a shell of my self with a painted mask and puppet arms. I am not here I am in that room with the doors shut tight and drapes pulled closed so that only the glow of this computer screen lights up my eyes. So far away from home forgetting to enjoy what's around me locked with key in hand in here, in that room in the woods, the one that resides in my head, where the weeds grow tall and walls are bare.

play time

i have left exhaustion behind and all that lingers now is this dirty haired, caffeine injected cigarrette smoking shell

i just want to be still

to sleep

and be in the quiet, just close my eyes and let the quiet in

hard now

to NOT want to just sleep for days and write and smoke
and sleep

it is hard now

to think

beyond my next fix waiting for me in the corners to come out and play

it is hard now

to move
to eat
to love
to feel
it all slips away

leaving the swollen eyed girl that can't cry

this is the hard part to move and be beyond just a few fragmented words that mean

nothing

beyond the shell of my own head

to leave this place and do more than just sit with you and type and drink and forget to eat

and forget to love my husband
and loose my children

to not want it

to not let it completely swallow me

to not stroke the keys and loose it all here
give of it freely ..... to you

the price to pay is to high
the need
to high
the longing to much