Wednesday, January 27, 2010

If you haven't read it you really should

"LAST EXIT TO BROOKLYN", Hubert Selby, Jr.
every word drips with honey ready to be lapped up by the soul. the cruel truths and raw energy that lurks at the corner of every page there for the taking ...take it in.

"and through a rip in the black shade she saw dancing points of gray and soon light would streak the sky and shadows would soften and dance and the soft early morning light would seep through the room pushing the shadows from the now darkened corners and candles soon would be out.....
and the Bird was blowing a final chorus, high, and the set wouldnt end, but the Bird would slowly fade and you would hang and roll in your ear and all would be love-"


I hope this doesn't seem crazy to you, i don't think it would, i think you, you would understand the scratch, scratch, scratching that goes on inside the prison of my mind

i think you could understand the noise
though my eyes are so tired now and they fight me with every word my brain won't quiet and even the shadows in my room breath tonight

i'm not crazy, no
therapy yes, crazy no, not so much anyway

I do it all i am ordinary walking through the street
I cook, and i clean, i do dance classes and recitals and playgroups and football and college visits and girls scouts and cub scouts, i even do small talk
I knit scarves for my kids and fuck my husband like a porn star
but in the quiet hours, in the silence of the room when the chaos has gone to bed

the scratching and the words these beautiful words that paint pictures with every breath
well, they won't let me sleep and so I thought
I would write you, because you might

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


If I could only steal some time, some unquestioned, no explanation time to disappear, WRITE myself straight off the page.

To drink wine and, loose track, smoke and get high
To fuck on dirty mattress's in seedy hotel rooms where no one cares if you come or go.

to write and drink, and fuck and love and eat Chinese food at 3am, and puke it all up again.

If only i could shed this skin, peel it away from me and cast it off,
to run and hide
to kiss long and hard and watch him write and go mad and sleep and love

to see me through HIS eyes

if only i could find the time to steal it back again to not wish it away, to stop begging for tomorrow and forget about yesterday

there i would find ME staring back from the lonely place

there...i would just be

Friday, January 22, 2010

Second glass of wine

his warm hands wrap longing around her waist as he pulls her closer to his side for the slow dance that was never had

the sweet smell of her skin lingers and it is her desire that allows him to falter,
for a moment,
to stumble
forth and give into his own weakness's,
his demons that are captured now, here
in her breath in her words that crawl inside of him
to that place that is hidden from everyone
the wall crumbles to the floor as he feels the heat of her embrace and the world slips away

lonely hotel rooms,
the longing for his old life ,
the quiet nights at home

all leave his side and it is only her now that lays with him tonight.

Wild Child

from behind the moon she peers out at me all big eyed and wild child

hidden so deep pushed far from light the words that rape the soul, longing to be heard to be seen to be cast out

Quiet now, my brain is so quiet now when i need it most. tormenting me with this hide and seek . She lurks around the corners...catching shadows of her only to slip away again into the darkness.I need it now I need her now so very much that my entire body aches longing to feel her touch consume me this deep need for it aches between my legs and makes my soul quake.

the colors
the touches
the smells
the connections
are electrifying, pulsating from every pore...all of it lost to her hidden away

with her,
i hate her,
i love her,
i need her...

Grayness consumes me when she abandons me so